The Next Stage of Motherhood
Published by
An Eccentric Housewife
on
I never put a lot of thought into becoming a Grandmother. Honestly, I didn’t put much thought into becoming a mother. It was always just something that is done.
I’ve gone through motherhood having to train and teach myself how to be a mother. Working hard to become healthier and wiser. I wish I had been more prepared. I wish I had been a better mother from the start.
When I learned I was a Grandmother in the making, I was determined not to enter that relationship with the same ignorance and baggage as I had entered motherhood.
There are the simple things, like what Grandmother name do you want? I know a Nana, a Gigi, a Noni, a Bubbe, a Yaya, a Grammy, a lot of Grandmas, a MaMaw, a MeeMaw; yet there are even more names to choose from. I still haven’t figured out what to go by. However, I’ve come to realize how important it can be to find the one that fits us best. Whatever the first grandchild calls us, the rest will likely call us as well!
There are also the more complicated things, like accepting just how grown up our own child has become. Learning to set ourselves aside in a whole new way and give space for their new leadership role. To allow ourselves to embrace the joy our child has at having their own child. I’m a firm believer that every baby is worth celebrating.
There is the letting go of how we might do things and learning to accept that what worked for us, what was right and best for us may not be for them. Accepting that their boundaries, needs, and wants may differ from ours and that’s ok. It’s understanding that they get to decide that, not us.
It’s learning to be thankful for each invitation and for everything that is shared. For every way we are welcomed into our children’s world and the world of their family. Coming to peace, even more, with the change in the dynamics of our relationship and remembering they owe us nothing.
It’s being to them what we were thankful others were for us, and being to them what we needed at that stage too.
It’s also, finding a new part of who we are and deciding how we want to be. It’s being triggered in ways we may never have expected and finding the grace within ourselves to allow for two truths, that we are so proud of our children and excited for the new life they’re building and that we are human and will likely face a flood of rollercoaster emotions and both are ok.
It’s remembering to hold space for them and for us and allowing for that necessary separation and growth to extend. To choose health over trauma. To choose joy and delight over judgement and condemnation. It’s remembering that every life matters and what a blessing little ones truly are.
Not all are called to be grandmothers. For those of us who are, it’s an opportunity to love and support our children and to enjoy the fruits of our labors.