The Real Mom
Published by
An Eccentric Housewife
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I’ve been listening to the “Little House on the Prairie” series with blessing #5 lately and I noticed a theme. It went beyond “children are to be seen and not heard.” it went to, in order for Laura to be considered good, she must pretty much be perfect.
Laura is often told to hold back her feelings and to ignore them. She must give away her toy, though she is not ready to part with it, to a child who throws a tantrum to get it. (Ok, yes, the term spoiled brat crossed my mind at the description of the scene.) She must give her beads to her little sister instead of being able to keep them for herself. Her questions are often pushed aside, whether she wants to know why she can’t have a beautiful Native American baby or she wants to know why her mom doesn’t like them to begin with.
Despite these things, I still think the books are good to read with kids. It has opened up conversations with my own children about topics that arise and to share our worldview with them and our family history, and of course so much more.
Back on topic, though. I may not have grown up in Laura’s time or with that exact atmosphere, but her experiences still resonated with me. I’m to be seen and not heard. I am to be meek, mild, and … perfect. If I can’t, I’m not good enough.
No wonder women are still struggling with trying so hard to be good and to be perfect. I see the battle all over social media. Women pouring their hearts out about the way this mentality causes them to suffer. Women posting against the lies of these teachings.
It’s true, boys were raised in similar ways, and yet, it was pretty much expected for them to go against that. We see it with Laura’s cousin. It was ok for him to run wild and free. Not to say that boys and men do not have their own struggles. They most certainly do. However, my focus is on women today.
I was struggling under the weight of perfection, knowing I’ll never be good enough, just the other day. Then, it hit me. Good mom versus bad mom? Why?! Why is it that you must always be good to be considered to be a good mom. You can not make mistakes; you can not be broken; you can not be in the process of healing, if you want to be a good mom.
These are things that have been ingrained in me somehow, somewhere, and they are lies. Because *all* have sinned and fallen short of the glory of G-d. None of us is perfect and if you have to be perfect to be a good mom then there are no good moms.
It’s time to embrace being a real mom. A real mom is not picture perfect. She doesn’t always get it right. She fights her own battles and does it as fiercely as she can. She does her best with the knowledge, skills, strength, power, support, encouragement, energy, etc… that she has in any given moment. She has weaknesses. She fails, and yet, she also gets back up and strives to give what she can to her children, to her family.
We are not good moms or bad moms, we are real moms. We have feelings, thoughts, ideas, voices. We have needs and wants; desires. We have good days and bad days. We are humans.